unfortunately, with every movement, there is a chance for a liar to try to join. i feel terrible, because i initially believed it.
This is not exactly accurate.
If you go read the full article linked in the one linked above (i.e. the well-researched and exhaustively interviewed story in The Observer, here), what you find is that Takei’s accuser has admitted that some aspects of the story were reported differently in different outlets at the time he first went public with it, that his story changed a few times or that details changed a few times, and what is likely untrue are the most sensational aspects.
Consultation with toxicologists strongly suggests that the accuser was NOT drugged by Takei (a rumor that took off and spread widely). The accuser has walked back the claim that Takei touched his genitals without consent (settling more on the idea that Takei was in the process of removing his pants and underwear; but not groping him).
There was also a claim by the accuser of he and Takei having met for coffee during the 90s, and that does appear to be untrue. (That claim had made it harder to believe that Takei did not remember the accuser at all.) Further, the reporter could not find friends of the accuser who had heard the story from him back at the time it happened. The accuser did admit that he often retold the story in the 80s and 90s, but more as a “funny celebrity encounter”, a “party trick”, not as a traumatic experience. (Warning: there are also some quotes from the accuser about Takei that feel kind of racist, and IMO felt unnecessarily cruel on his part, as well as likely objectively false.)
However, the accuser has NOT completely recanted his story. He did NOT ADMIT THAT IT WAS UNTRUE. He still claims that the encounter happened. What has emerged, though, is more of a picture of a failed hookup in which both men were drunk and one (Takei) misread the intentions and willingness of the other (the accuser); but, that when the accuser said “no”, Takei backed off. The accuser ends the interview still wishing for Takei to give him an apology (for, in his view, having attempted to take advantage of a friendship he says they had up until that point).
The reporter also is clear about the fact that unlike in many of the other cases that have emerged about celebrities – in which the revelation comes after years of rumors and “open secret” knowledge about the person’s behavior – even digging turned up no other accusations or even rumors about Takei’s behavior, going back years. This does not, of course, mean that Takei is “innocent”, but it is worth noting he does not fit the pattern of so many other of these cases.
I’m not writing this out either to exonerate Takei, or to say “no, it’s still just as bad”. The article definitely put the case in much greyer territory, and I urge anyone who wants more information to read it. (I did read it hoping it would exonerate Takei; I still think the conclusion is less clear-cut than that, although I do think it exonerates him from the worst aspects of the accusations.)
Don’t distill something this complicated down to a headline, especially one that is misleading. That’s kind of how we get to a point like this in the first place.
A few weeks ago, I reblogged a post about trans children, and my point got completely lost because I didn’t make it clear enough.
Never intended to imply that children cannot be transgender as young as 3 or 4. Never meant that. Please forgive me for not making that clear.
The post was intended to point out the responsibility of parents to ensure that their toddler is actually trans. I have read several articles from parents of trans children, and my heart breaks just imagining that journey. I cannot imagine actually experiencing it. But I have all the respect in the world for those parents who are open to the idea but also patiently wait to be sure.
Please forgive me if i hurt you with that post.
Thank you for being willing to apologise and change, it’s big of you. If I may, please let me explain the thing that I don’t think you quite understood when you wrote that post (and haven’t redressed in this apology).
You frame making sure they’re trans as the parent saying “But you can be your gender and still do [whatever thing]”, which is part of it for sure; the other part of dealing with potentially trans children, though, is making it clear to them that being trans is an option. The full phrase should be “Boys can have long hair, so if you want to have long hair and still be a boy that’s great! But if you are a girl, that’s great too and we want to help you with that.”
Something we’re taught, as gendernonconforming kids, is to ardently defend ourselves against the claim that we’re not our assigned gender. The only thing worse than being a tomboy is being a boy. So when you tacitly push your child not to ID as a different gender by going “but your gender can have these things!” it can crash into that aspect of socialisation and make them push down their feelings about being another gender because no, everyone’s right, you’re just a boy who likes long hair/a girl who hates dresses.
Not all trans people are super dysphoric. It’s the ones who are often get noticed more as kids because of the severe distress that being misgendered causes, which was the example given to you by other commentators. But even lower-dysphoria trans kids still experience it, though they often don’t have the language to describe who they’re just “a bit uncomfortable all the time”; by telling them that it’s okay to “want to” be another gender, you help give them ways to talk about that discomfort.
I say this because I was one of those kids. I was gender nonconforming, but in a family where it was ok for their little girl to have meltdowns when put in dresses – some girls just don’t like dresses! (it was actually really bad dysphoria, but what 3yo knows that?) To avoid having her picture taken, to the point of actively running away – some kids are just camera shy! (turns out i can’t reconcile my physical self with my gender ID!) To be a wallflower at womens’ events – nerd kids are just bad at socialising! (I knew I wasn’t meant to be there, but could never place why).
It took me until this goddamn year to figure out I was a trans man. Do you know how much struggle I would have been saved if someone – anyone – had told me “hey, it’s cool that you hate dresses, some girls do – but it’s also ok if you’re a boy” when I was a child? Believe me, you cannot imagine.
A final note: a small kid presenting as a different gender for a while and then deciding it doesn’t fit and they were their assigned gender all along? Has no biological repercussions. There may be some social issues, but they will probably arise from the kid being gender nonconforming anyway and they’re the fault of other intolerant people; you should absolutely not be denying kids the option of being trans “in order to protect them from bullying”, as it has negligible benefit and huge risks if the kid is actually trans. It’s not your job to “make sure” a child is trans, it’s your job to believe what they tell you about their gender.
Kids that young are essentially gender neutral, and are still being taught ‘gender norms’ by adults who should know better.
I have the world’s most precious nephew. When he was 3, he asked his mom and grandma if he could be a girl. Now, my family is smart. Both his mom and his grandma asked “why?” He said it was so he could have long hair.
His mom showed him photos of famous musicians with long hair, along with Johnny Depp. His grandma showed him photos of Brad Pitt, Troy Polamalu, and Jared Leto with long hair. Then they told him “Boys can have long hair, see?” He said “oh” and went on about his life being a boy.
When he was 4, this same nephew decided again that he wanted to be a girl. This time, the reason was so he could wear skirts and paint his nails. Same reaction: his mom and grandma showed him photos of men in kilts, and men with painted nails, and said “boys can do that, too.” He said “oh”, and decided he was okay being a boy.
At the root of it, he didn’t really want to be a girl. He just wanted to do the same things he saw his mama doing. When he understood he didn’t have to be a girl to do those things, he shrugged it off and was cool with being a boy.
Now, if he ever adamantly decides that he is a girl, not that he wants to be a girl, myself, his mom, and his grandma will be okay with that. We just want to make sure he actually is transgender instead of deciding “oh he wants to do these things, so he is a girl.” We are extremely firm believers in making educated decisions.
I feel that a transgender four year old is more like a cat who is vegan because the cat’s owner’s misunderstood the cat eating grass to mean it is vegan.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
well i was really hoping when i saw this on my dash it would be because someone was calling out this bullshit but i guess not
why are you people comparing a vegan cat (aka a cat who is malnourished and actively being abused) to letting a child experiment with their gender, causing NO HARM TO ANYONE, just because they may or may not turn out to be actually trans when they grow older?
its not like the four year old is going to get gender confirmation surgery at that age or any long-lasting life change that they may or may not regret later.
their parent isnt FORCING them to be trans like a person trying to make their cat vegan is forcing their cat into a lifestyle change that is detrimental to its wellbeing.
what the hell is wrong with you people? this is fucking revolting
Also, why is this parent waiting until their child says “I want to be a girl” to show them that boys are allowed to have long hair or wear dresses?
It seems like these parents were perfectly okay with only exposing their kid to the narrowest definition of masculinity, only to very reluctantly acknowledge that exceptions are “allowed” when their child seems like they might reject the box their parents have put them in.
Does the child know that these parents will be okay with them being transgender if that turns out to be true? Because based on @areasontobreathe ’sstory, at no point did the parents ever say “you can be a girl” or otherwise indicate that trans people exist and that being trans is valid – their only response was to ask “why do you want that?” and then immediately explain why the child shouldn’t want that.
If a little girl asks “can I marry a girl” she might not actually fully understand what marriage is. She might not grow up to be a wlw.
But parents who aren’t homophobes will still use that question as an opportunity to let their kid know that yes, sometimes people mary people of the same gender, and that’s okay, and if she still wants to marry a girl when she grows up she has that option.
It sounds like these parents refused to show even this modicum of acceptance, and went straight to saying “WHY do you want that?? Give me a REALLY GOOD REASON why you think you want that. You probably DON’T really want that.”
And then they pulled the same evasive bullshit the next time the kid asked.
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
Thoughtfulfangirling 