personally – Page 5 – Thoughtfulfangirling

thoughtfulfuri:

I work with a butch lady who once saw and disliked a book of artwork of the memes of the dinasour t-Rex 🦖 who is sad because it can’t do things with its little arms. Ever since then, people will put the memes on her desk. I do occasionally. The other day I found a bumber sticker of such a meme and had to get it for her.

I left it at her desk today and she pretty quickly guessed it was me. She mourned over how sad it was but decided to stick it to a cabinet she had. As she was doing it, I pondered aloud if we could make the last line in the mouth go up and ruin the sad effect. She promptly had me get her a sharpie and she’s turned it into an angry T. Because that’s better than a sad one. Hahaha. It was amazing

Here were her fixes. She thinks it looks angrier now which is much preferable to seeing a sad dinasour. Haha. (‾̀◡‾́)

I work with a butch lady who once saw and disliked a book of artwork of the memes of the dinasour t-Rex 🦖 who is sad because it can’t do things with its little arms. Ever since then, people will put the memes on her desk. I do occasionally. The other day I found a bumber sticker of such a meme and had to get it for her.

I left it at her desk today and she pretty quickly guessed it was me. She mourned over how sad it was but decided to stick it to a cabinet she had. As she was doing it, I pondered aloud if we could make the last line in the mouth go up and ruin the sad effect. She promptly had me get her a sharpie and she’s turned it into an angry T. Because that’s better than a sad one. Hahaha. It was amazing

…

I sense this is going to be a really tough week. Last week was because of typical hormonal imbalances but after giving up my recovery day to helping a friend in need and finding out about my dad… it was already off to a bad start. Nothing else big better happen but that won’t stop the small shit. I’m already tired.

I got lucky today. First, I deliberately left Sunday closed as a recovery day as this last week took a lot out of me (screw bad period weeks!) which ended up meaning I was not busy with my mom or sister when my friend called needing a ride to take her cat to the emergency vet. So that was luck #1.

The parking outside her apartment was tight and I had to parrellel park a ways off from her place. I saw a car leave ahead of me and started backing up thinking maybe I should move up. Ended up tapping the car behind me. I was like ‘shit’ because I needed to be able to leave quickly and I don’t have anything on me to write my information down. Luckily the owners of the car were literally walking up as I was checking out the car. I told them what happened and the guy checked it out and said he couldn’t see anything and ended up driving off before me. So luck #2!

I mean, unlucky I tapper the car in the first place and I feel like an idiot but there was a reason I set this day aside as a recovery day and it’s perhaps too much to ask that not having that pan out would come without cost so I’mma call it luck

@once-a-polecat We are ‘cannot move’ buddies XD

So I’m in the habit of complimenting people (read women) if something stands out to me. Beautiful hair, great dress, cute shoes, etc. Occasionally it’s a flat, ‘your gorgeous’ tho I try to leave those for when I’m generally leaving the area so they don’t feel like they need to respond to someone hitting on them or something.

Today it was some rainbow beaded bracelets I complimented a cashier on while she was chatting with me and my sis and I got a quite new reaction to the compliment. She looked at her wrist and asked, ‘which one?!’ It was definitely a different response but not so strange. I just told her ‘both.’ She immediately just pulls one off and hands it to me. She makes these specifically to hand out! It’s so cute!! I love it (‾̀◡‾́). #goodday

Today would have been my Sensei’s birthday. If he weren’t dead, I could wish him happy birthday.

A year ago today, Facebook informed me it was my Sensei’s birthday. I told myself I should comment on his wall. Wish him a good celebration. Tell him it’s been too long since I’d seen him. Tell him I hope things are good.

Instead it slipped my mind before I did so.

Two days later I received a Facebook message that he had unexpectedly passed. I would never get to tell him happy birthday. He’ll never know he was in my thoughts. That he’s the only man who felt like a father figure to me outside my own dad — who hardly counts.

We were clearly and obviously very fond of each other. I know he held me in very high esteem. But I was always just another student in a sea of others he taught. And he’ll never know what he meant to me.

I cried when I found out. I was out at a club with my cousin, dancing in a crowded place. And I cried. If you’d told me I’d be found crying in public over someone I hadn’t seen in three years before that day, I’d have been skeptical.

I thought the feelings had past, for the most part at least. In the last year, the ache had lessened. I know very well I can’t live each day like I’m going to lose someone the next. I knows it does no good dwelling on the things we cannot change.

But I saw his picture today. It was captioned with words of warm grief. “Happy heavenly birthday.” I don’t believe in heaven.

It’s amazing how fast the grief can spring out of the ground, faster than any blooming flower. But like the cycles of growth and death and regrowth, the hole where my love of him nests has unfurled.

It will pass again. As it should. It’s hard to accept that I could think on him with no more tinge of hurt only a month ago and now I can’t. But it’s also easy. Because he deserves rememberance. And he deserves the feelings. And it’s comforting to know he’s still enough a part of me that I feel it.

We live on in those who remember us.

I miss you Sensei ❤

A week or two, I was noticing a knot in my back, kinda under my shoulder blade on the left side. It wasn’t painful but definitely not comfortable either. My sister lent me a tool to help massage out knots and instructored me to do so while breathing out. I did it that night and it’s been gone since.

Until this morning. It’s back with a vengeance. I keep unconsciously moving to compensate for it. Ugh. I can’t work on the knot till I get home either. It’s gonna be a loong day

.·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

Annd today it seems I’m smelling Everything! I feel like I’m losing it. I have no clue where a lot of these subtle scents come from. I am terrible at identifying smells, and it’s leaving me on edge. I’m even spending time being like, ‘is this an okay smell? A good smell? Bad?’ I can’t even decide! But it’s… a lot in a very small way. Wtf even are periods??