Tag: personal

thoughtfulproxy:

thoughtfulproxy:

Ugh, this is terrible. Tmi warning. Tryying to eat marginally better. Adding in less greasy proteins and more veggies. Apparently my body is unsure about this and I’ve now spent over an hour in the bathroom (not all at once). I mean, it could be the ice cream I indulged in, but ice cream hasn’t done this to me before. Maybe the mix. But I feel miserable and gross and I just want to go to bed :/

Veggies are gross and they make me feel gross 😛

kimbureh said: if you change your diet, your body might need some time to adjust (enzymes/digestive bacteria etc). also, if eating veggies makes u feel gross, that’s connecting negative feeling to eating them, which will lead to more negative expierences while eating them… what i am saying, is, dont force urself, it’s not healthy either if u have to beat up urself over it (and i say that as a fruits and veggie lover with a weakness for french fries)
Part 2: in case u didnt need advice, but a few compassionate words: changing diets is a hard thing. it happens gradually and omg i know the feeling of wanting to do better but not having the energy to do so. the truth is, changing routines is not easy and takes effort.

Ugh. I know this, I really do. I don’t know why I just dove in. Actually, I do. (But for the record, both advice and reassurance was welcome. 🙂 Thank you for your comments.)

Story Time!  (Kimbureh, I won’t hold it against you if you don’t read this. I’m getting it off my chest) 

So, I’m at my top weight, which isn’t that heavy honestly. 150lbs seems to be my average at the moment when 130lbs used to be my norm. I’ve never eaten really well, and since leaving college, I really don’t get much exercise. 

My sister is a health nut. Sometime last summer, she started getting extra worried about my health and eating and pushed me to incorporate Shakeology into my diet. I hate veggies, and this was supposed to give me veggie servings. Over time, I worked it into my routine, and also over time, I’ve gained this way. Now, my sister insists that without changing anything about your diet, Shakeologoy is supposed to make you lose weight, and it has for others in my family. I can’t help but think that for me, it was added calories, so I gained. 

But like, so what right? I’m getting more healthy by adding in all these nutrients and vitamins and shit, so if my goal is health and not thin, then all should be good. 

I finally told her what I suspect about Shakeology, and she started talking about finding other things for me (after extensively scrutinizing my habits and what might have changed etc). And like, I’m really kind of annoyed, because she’s so insistent that her pushing people to be healthy is her #1 goal — that it’s not about losing weight. She’s got some stuff to work through. 

But in talking about my current diet, everyone’s been like ‘Yeah… you eat pretty bad.’ I don’t even understand what ‘healthy’ eating completely consists of at least within what I like since I’m so damn picky and I’m sure af not doing ‘all non processed’ like my sister tries to. 

(don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and we are so close and we get along super well, this is just our current head butting/my annoyance) 

So like, fine. I’m going to try to eat better. A part of me hopes I don’t even lose weight, because I think it’s bullshit. I’m getting older. My metabolism is slowing. When you add extra calories without exercise, you’re likely going to gain right? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ¯_(ツ)_/¯ 

Looks like I might have hit it too hard though. Weird thing is, both of these days I didn’t even do the Shakeo because I only do those on work days and I’m almost out, so it shouldn’t be a veggie overdose. I don’t even know. ヘ（´ｏ｀）ヘ 

kimbureh said: ugh food shaming is not cool, i wish u strength to deal with that. on another note, I once have been in the situation of your sister when i was learning about nutrition and was worried about my family’s health. my bet is, she isn’t on board the health ship longer than maybe two years? most people calm down after that super enthusiastic phase, i surely did. the paradox is, more people got interested in my expertise when my aggressively advertising phase was over haha

Eh, she’s been into it for a little bit, but it got fanatical when she got into Beach Body (early/mid 2015). I mean, I’m not sure I like the word fanatical here, because I think it’s great that she’s healthy and enthusiastic about it, but I seem to hate healthy food, and it’s kind of reached a point that between her young son (children) and the health stuff, we don’t have much to relate with each other. Part of all this is her trying to get me into her hobby to connect, but it’s just so not my hobby. 

And I kind of feel like I puked and I need to eat, but I don’t even know what my stomach can handle right now that’s on hand. :S I’m a mess. Haha =P 

I’d take advice on easy healthy meals that aren’t bland if you happen to think of any. I seem to be okay with raw carrots, cooked asparagus, and I was mostly okay with a green bean casserole. Chicken breasts are good but seem to be some work. I literally don’t know what else is good though as far as like a good sized portion food is though. Like, veggies and fruit are good for you. Yay. But I don’t really snack much. I need healthy meal sized things. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ 

thoughtfulproxy:

Ugh, this is terrible. Tmi warning. Tryying to eat marginally better. Adding in less greasy proteins and more veggies. Apparently my body is unsure about this and I’ve now spent over an hour in the bathroom (not all at once). I mean, it could be the ice cream I indulged in, but ice cream hasn’t done this to me before. Maybe the mix. But I feel miserable and gross and I just want to go to bed :/

Veggies are gross and they make me feel gross 😛

kimbureh said: if you change your diet, your body might need some time to adjust (enzymes/digestive bacteria etc). also, if eating veggies makes u feel gross, that’s connecting negative feeling to eating them, which will lead to more negative expierences while eating them… what i am saying, is, dont force urself, it’s not healthy either if u have to beat up urself over it (and i say that as a fruits and veggie lover with a weakness for french fries)
Part 2: in case u didnt need advice, but a few compassionate words: changing diets is a hard thing. it happens gradually and omg i know the feeling of wanting to do better but not having the energy to do so. the truth is, changing routines is not easy and takes effort.

Ugh. I know this, I really do. I don’t know why I just dove in. Actually, I do. (But for the record, both advice and reassurance was welcome. 🙂 Thank you for your comments.)

Story Time!  (Kimbureh, I won’t hold it against you if you don’t read this. I’m getting it off my chest) 

So, I’m at my top weight, which isn’t that heavy honestly. 150lbs seems to be my average at the moment when 130lbs used to be my norm. I’ve never eaten really well, and since leaving college, I really don’t get much exercise. 

My sister is a health nut. Sometime last summer, she started getting extra worried about my health and eating and pushed me to incorporate Shakeology into my diet. I hate veggies, and this was supposed to give me veggie servings. Over time, I worked it into my routine, and also over time, I’ve gained this way. Now, my sister insists that without changing anything about your diet, Shakeologoy is supposed to make you lose weight, and it has for others in my family. I can’t help but think that for me, it was added calories, so I gained. 

But like, so what right? I’m getting more healthy by adding in all these nutrients and vitamins and shit, so if my goal is health and not thin, then all should be good. 

I finally told her what I suspect about Shakeology, and she started talking about finding other things for me (after extensively scrutinizing my habits and what might have changed etc). And like, I’m really kind of annoyed, because she’s so insistent that her pushing people to be healthy is her #1 goal — that it’s not about losing weight. She’s got some stuff to work through. 

But in talking about my current diet, everyone’s been like ‘Yeah… you eat pretty bad.’ I don’t even understand what ‘healthy’ eating completely consists of at least within what I like since I’m so damn picky and I’m sure af not doing ‘all non processed’ like my sister tries to. 

(don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and we are so close and we get along super well, this is just our current head butting/my annoyance) 

So like, fine. I’m going to try to eat better. A part of me hopes I don’t even lose weight, because I think it’s bullshit. I’m getting older. My metabolism is slowing. When you add extra calories without exercise, you’re likely going to gain right? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ¯_(ツ)_/¯ 

Looks like I might have hit it too hard though. Weird thing is, both of these days I didn’t even do the Shakeo because I only do those on work days and I’m almost out, so it shouldn’t be a veggie overdose. I don’t even know. ヘ（´ｏ｀）ヘ 

Ugh, this is terrible. Tmi warning. Tryying to eat marginally better. Adding in less greasy proteins and more veggies. Apparently my body is unsure about this and I’ve now spent over an hour in the bathroom (not all at once). I mean, it could be the ice cream I indulged in, but ice cream hasn’t done this to me before. Maybe the mix. But I feel miserable and gross and I just want to go to bed :/

Veggies are gross and they make me feel gross 😛

thoughtfulfangirling:

thoughtfulfangirling:

I’ve gone through so much Sailor Moon music on Youtube just trying to find that violin song that plays when Haruka and/or Michiru is on screen, and I just cannot seem to find it. Ughghghhh And the playlist I’m going through right now in my search has 192 vids. *sigh*

This is a good one too, but I think the one I’m looking for tends to play as background music when Super Intense Things Are Happening! lol You know, when they’re talking and sounding nearly evil to the other scouts and the show’s trying to get you to Feel the Intensity! lol 

Thanks though! I hadn’t even run into this one yet, and that’s a problem.

This could be it. O.o https://youtu.be/9PHcbrQe2qw?t=1m53s

thoughtfulproxy:

thoughtfulproxy:

This April Fools thing is ridic! I got really confused when I went to post about how I dropped out of a game session because I commented on the gender specific game player rule and got the ‘it’s an old game’ and the ‘don’t be like that’ and of course then got targeted for the ‘don’t speak for 5 mins’ rule and just no. I totally get that it’s a silly simple game but I’m just not down to play if that’s how that comment is going to be treated

And it’s awkward cause everyone’s probably annoyed, and the host probably feels miserable, and I feel dumb about it, and it’d all have been cleaner if id just go along but for gods sake people, let a person process something before you start excusing shit and in fact targeting that person to do this thing they hadn’t processed. Or even just acknowledge the ridiculousness. Like, yeah, that is strange. All the game is like this. Is that gonna be a problem? And I could be like, I guess not *sigh* lol.

So yeah, now that I’m not on my phone, I can explain.  I came in late to the explanation of a card game. I got the functioning bits, but I’d missed a lot of intro information. Essentially, you need to cast all the spells in your hand, but you need ingredient cards in order to cast them. So you’re trying to get ingredient cards from the middle during your turn as well as play spell cards once you get all the ingredients you need to cast it. 

This was the explanation I got essentially. I knew that there were special ways to lose and get more ingredient cards, but didn’t really know how. I figured the cards would explain (which I hadn’t gotten a chance to look at). 

We start playing, and this girl I’ve met for the first time who was explaining the card reads it. It’s something to the extent of, pick an opponent to cast this spell on and he then cannot speak for five minutes, and if he messes up, the player that notices takes on of his [ingredient] cards.’ 

I did not realize that this was a typical function of the game, but this was her casting a spell. I didn’t even realize that much at this point. It’s literally the first thing. And I laugh, because we’re sitting at a table of evenly male to female players. I make a joke about the card clearly only applying to the men at the table. 

I don’t remember the exact response she made, but it was along the lines of ‘it’s just a game’ and ‘it was created in like the 70s.’ So like, while I was originally making a joke commenting on the clear bias of the game and taking their own cards literally as a part of my amusement, she was shrugging it off like ‘lighten up,’ and I am just not down for that. So I just continue with something like, ‘Hey, I’m just pointing out what the card says. Clearly it means it’s for a guy.’ To which she grinned at her boyfriend or our mutual friend and said, “She’s the loudest isn’t she. I’ll have to cast it on her.” 

Like, fuck no. You turned what was just a joke into a way to use the oldest sexist tool in the shed on me (silence). I responded with something like I just wasn’t going to go along. She cast it on me and had someone set the timer, so I held out my ingredient cards. I told them, “Look, I’ll take the ‘fine.’ Take my cards since I’m not doing this.” So people start taking the cards from me, but there’s still the implication that I’m not supposed to talk. I was just like, ‘I have no cards left, I’ve already been penalized, I’m not going to shut up now.’ 

So she comments, ‘But you’re going to pick up eventually and we’ll just take them then.’ Which, I didn’t even know if that was a thing at this time, because I didn’t even know this game, but it’s not actually a thing I later saw. It’s something she literally said to cow me into playing along. So I tossed the remaining cards ‘spell’ in the middle and just said, “Alright. It’s clear I shouldn’t be playing this game.” 

And I felt miserable for a while. It was definitely my pride getting the best of me, but at the same time, it was completely uncalled for. I don’t hate this woman or think she’s a bad person or anything. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know the kind of person I am—that I make literal, pedantic jokes. That I make fun of phrasing in English not in a ‘haha you’re not educated’ way but in a ‘I’m taking your words as you said them literally.’ She doesn’t know that I just need to be able to say ‘x thing is fucked up’ and once I’ve done so, I can still have a good time and generally play along. Because honestly, I could have. It would have, going further, been a none-issue that this card came exclusively and consistently refers to its players with male pronouns (he/his). But when I took the full consequences possible to make that one stand, the one that felt far worse than any others (to shut up and targeted To shut up Because I pointed this out), and she wanted to tack on new consequences and try to strong arm me into playing along, just no fucking way. 

And it’s really sad, because I really do think I could have liked this woman. She was interesting and funny and smart, and there was so much I was excited to get to her for, but there’s no way she’s ever going to think of me in a decent standing again. She definitely took my comment about the sexist wording as a personal offense against the game she wanted to play and she responded very defensively. This is very human, and it’s a trait I could see myself easily fallen into. I’m mad at her about it, but I realize it’s just human failings. But really what’s the worse is that we’re just never going to probably get along. Though I guess I do hold it against her that she couldn’t take a moment to try and understand why I was acting as I did. 

At one point during the game (which I continued to hang out for (the Bae was playing) since, you know, Everyone Else was playing), I left the table to use the bathroom. I heard her voice raised, which of course made me listen. She was saying silly things to another player, but the spell card cast on her was essentially, ‘This player must pick another player to go off on, but he must do so without swearing,’ and apparently she double checked the card to make sure it said player because she had wanted to go off on me. I definitely feel a ‘fuck you’ to her on that one. To hope to use a game mechanic to go off on me over an actual issue which social politeness would say I don’t have the same excuse to go off on back at her, giving her a one way ticket to probably talk about how ‘up tight’ or some shit. Obviously, some of this is putting words in her mouth, but clearly she had something semi prepared to say. Definitely some anger about that one. 

I just feel so fucking bleh. I’ve really been having some self doubt and questioning myself type thoughts lately, and I’m a person who generally has good self confidence/sense of self worth, and my lowest points Always come from when I question myself in those ways and think maybe I make ‘dumb’ choices/decisions or if there’s no reason for me to do the things I do. I live very much on validation, and I’m usually good at validating myself so it doesn’t look like I need it and also therefore isn’t something I need the Bae to do and he’s not actually all that good at doing so, but when I get low, it’s the thing I need the most from others. And ugh. I’m having some bad moments here.  But hey, I tend to get a full night’s sleep and full meals every day and I’m not struggling terribly financially, so what right do I have to complain about anything ever? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ 

kimbureh:

hey, so, since replies will never come back to tumblr and I don’t like the chat function, and on overall tumblr is a shitty place to build a community, I thought I’d make this post and let you guys know how much I appreciate the comments, ‘WITNESS!’, and likes you give me. Yah, I know it feels awkward to do it this way, but then again I can only do awkward and I’d rather have this expressed in any way than not doing so.

So, welcome to my weird way of saying hello and thank you. I thought I’d write you some words.

@sacrificethemtothesquid Hey there, I think you’re cool but I am totally intimidated talking to you and when I talk to you it sounds awfully awkward. Just like right now. Hello.

@inthroughthesunroof You have interesting thoughts but you don’t post much personal stuff yourself, so to me it’s curious when you like some of mine.

@almostdefinitelydying Always good having you around. I dunno, we don’t talk much, but that’s my feel.

@thebyrchentwigges I have no clue who you are but your name keeps appearing on my activity page. Hello.

@fadagaski Some day I can read all your fic, I have already tons of it bookmarked!! 😀

@ecouter-bien Self proclaimed spinster aunt. Always a joy to have on my dash! Do you tend to hide in the tags? (cuz that would be shame, I like your take on things)

@ahimsa-bitches I follow you to flirt with the dark forces of the Gigadumpster (sometimes I regret, sometimes not, lol. You keep me challenged ;))

@indiasierrabravo You rock. Keep your art coming 😀 Also yeeey, you finally posted a selfie! So cuuuute~!

@thoughtfulproxy You are so fast and talkative. And I like that, even though it’s challenging for me sometimes (I’m slooow). And I am telling you because I think you can appreciate an honest opinion! 🙂 (please tell me I wasnt wrong about that or this will haunt me ugh)

Oh boy. What is this list. There are more people who keep recurring on my activity page, but tagging one person who isn’t a mutual is enough extraversion for me and already gives me anxiety. Also I don’t dare to tag more mutuals either because, ugh, how do I dare to demand your attention in the first place (argh). This whole post does give me anxiety, actually. Ugh. But I feel like I need to make myself vulnerable when I want to be open and honest and tell you guys, I see you. And I appreciate a lot.

I secretly prepare for hatemail from you, even though it’s unlikely (but who knows, right), nah, it won’t happen, you’re all cool. I hope this post gives you only good feelings and no bad, just like your likes and comments give me only good feelings.

One last tag for @flamethrowing-hurdy-gurdy​ cuz u are obviously my fave hügger, I always like to miep with u, even when the droids are bad xD

/awkward out

Haha, no no, you are Spot On. My mind runs a mile a minute, and I can have multiple thoughts simultaneously about a single thing, so I totes get if I’m ever overwhelming. I’m… working on it… kinda ¬.¬ Haha 

Feel free to lemme know if that ever happens and you need me to just cool it. 🙂 

And this post was totally not bad in any way. I’m glad I saw it! I tend to forget to check my activity on this account sometimes. Hope you’ve gotten lots of encouragement and entertaining reblogs in the best way possible. 🙂