Try to remember that your partner might need more explanation for your thought process than you think is necessary, especially if it’s a “negative” thought.
“I disagree with you” –> “I disagree with you, but I’m not angry at you, and I’m not going to yell at you for not agreeing with me.”
“I’m hurt by what you did” –> “I’m hurt by what you did, but I don’t hate you, and I don’t think you’re a bad person. I just want to discuss it.”
“I’m frustrated” –> “I’m frustrated, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
What feels obvious to you–the underlying asumption that of course you still love this person, of course this is just a single feeling–is not obvious to someone who has been trained to flinch at every criticism. Take the time to explain your feelings and their meanings to ease both your fears.
Published
Thoughtfulfangirling 