naamahdarling:

“Acceptance” as a part of emotional healing means “acceptance that this is where you are, and all positive progress will stem from this point in time, you cannot move forward from some imaginary point in the past or future, you can only begin from where you actually are.”

It does not mean “you need to learn to regard the shit situation you were/are in as acceptable.”

That shit that happened/is happening to you?  That is merely the reality of what has happened/is happening.  Your goal is not to say “it’s okay”, to forgive, to say “this situation is fine”.  You NEVER have to say those things if you don’t want to, and you SHOULDN’T say those things if they are not true, it will not make things go any faster.

Your goal is to be able to say “WELP, here’s where we are, in Bullshit City.  I guess we start from here.”

Acceptance is a realistic assessment of where you are and a willingness to begin from there.  It is a recognition that old patterns, whether positive or negative, cannot or do not have to continue.

And it’s not a 100% all-or-nothing thing.  Some days you will be a lot more level than others.  Some days you will be really angry or sad about what happened/what you lost/what is happening.  That’s okay.  But on many and eventually most days you will be a lot more focused on the future, and what you can do.  And believe me, that is SUCH a huge relief.

Soooo, if someone is encouraging you to think of “acceptance” solely as “contentment” or “totally at peace”, they are approaching it wrong, in a very not-helpful way.

If you are struggling, maybe it will help you to see that this important recovery stage is not an insultingly tall hurdle you have to jump with a smile on your face and perfect gracefulness.  

It is merely an end to foundering because you have found your new solid ground.  It will be a quiet, messy thing, and it may sneak up on you, but it will come.  And from there, you can go in many different directions.  New ones.  Ones you never imagined.

If you aren’t there yet, keep going.  Fight and scream and cry if you have to. All that shit is necessary shit!  Do what you gotta do!  Just keep slogging, and try to hold on to the fact that eventually, even if you don’t feel like it, you’ll get there.

The bad stuff will never be “okay”.  But YOU can be.  YOU can be okay.  You WILL be.