lierdumoa:

thoughtfulproxy:

fandomsandfeminism:

gill-goo:

fandomsandfeminism:

shadowfur5:

fiercefatfeminist:

READ THIS

As a Christian reading this I’ve had many thoughts. The first one is that yes your BODY belongs to you. You make the choices in your life for you. The idea of sexuality as a sin is more to protect us from feeling guilt, from cheating, pregant with an unwilling father and/or mother. Historically women were married at the age a puberty which allowed them to have a partner that would be there for a possible child. While mentally that wasn’t really a great idea at that age, physically it worked and probably helped prevent STDs because of the idea of one partner. Now days the dating and marriage has changed since the Bible and we need to adapt. Not as people but as a church too. I think if you want to be adstinant please do do. But EVERYONE sins. Jesus Sinned. He died for us so that we can be made whole again. Do your best to do what you think is right. Pray about it and make positive decisions not forced decisions. No one is perfect and God knows that.

For the record, it was not common, historically, for people to marry super super young. You really only saw super young marriages among the aristocracy.

While it was legal in the roman empire to marry as early as 12, data suggests that among common people it was most common to get married in their very late teens. What was pretty common was long betrothal periods, lasting from the onset of puberty to about 17.

We have even more data from medieval europe where by the 1300s the average marriage age was in the early 20s for common people.

Suggesting that all or most girls were getting married and becoming sexually active at the ages of 11 to 13 is historically unsupported and (often unintentionally) reeks of pedophilia apologism.

Regardless though, the op is an excellent example of how purity culture and the entire concept of virginity is really very toxic (and heteronormative)

I think the problem isn’t with the concept of virginity but with the demonization of the “not-right” kind of sexuality and shitty communication in relationships that stems from taboos

I would erase this idea that the loss of virginity means the loss of “purity” but also virginity should be kept as a “valuable thing” that you should not just give away to any fuckboy/girl as an immature highschooler as soon as you can or else you’re a “foreveralone loser”
Because to me it seems this is the current societal standard and it’s bad and results in a lot of heartbreak, physical damage or just.. bad sex

Like rn ppl either want to get rid of it as soon as they can and treat “virgin” as an insult while others like op value it so highly they feel like a used rag after losing it

Like… can society just find a healthy middle ground where virginity is treated as just a phase in your life that you should be very careful about ending and you need to choose a partner for it that you can trust, communicate with, and make sure you’re mature and responsible enough to handle it
?
Also sex ed sex ed sex ed stop taboos stop this idea that sexual thoughts etc are dirty give this world good sex ed that teaches how important and serious sex can be create a generation where every single person is provided the knowledge to have a both mentally and physically healthy beginning of their sex life

Yeah

I agree that the social implications, its importance and signifier of some kind of value is the biggest problem.

But the concept itself is still flawed, ambiguous and heteronormative.

In pretty frank terms: What does it mean to lose your virginity? How much and what kind of contact counts? Does fingering/handjobs count? Oral sex? Does it have to be penetrative sex to “count”? This seems to be the common answer but does that mean that cis women cant lose their virginity to each other? Does it “count” if you were raped? And how much worse does that make that violence if youve been taught that this intangible measure of your identity was stolen from you?

And the idea that having sex fundamentally changes you as a person, that this one activity somehow makes you different, is troubling. Like, yes, you need to be mature and ready for sex, but you also need to be ready and mature for drinking, and we dont have a word for that. Theres no label for “someone who has never driven a car” and when you DO drive a car, we dont say we have “lost” something.

Its part of the culture of mystifying sex, making it into this all important thing, and virginity as a concept can’t be uncoupled from that.

Its also a meaningless term when looking at biology- nothing about you physically changes when you become sexually active.

“Losing your virginity” will forever be linked to me to ‘breaking of the hymen.’ Something I, a cis woman, didn’t learn in elementary/high school OR college. I learned that from a YOUTUBE channel when I was probably 23 years old.

I taught this to my sister, who is four years older than me.

We had both already had sex and never knew this.

And besides all of the above, it’s fucking terrifying that it seems a biological inevitability that people with vagina’s Break A Part of them for sex… normalizing painful sex

Ugh

Wait, you do know it’s NOT a biological inevitability, right? Like if a youtube channel told you that, the youtube channel was probably full of shit.

Adam Ruins Everything did a whole episode on debunking common hymen myths:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/1ikXim4wevc

It’s entirely possible for someone with a vagina to have tons of PIV sex without ever breaking their hymen. That the hymen is flexible and usually only breaks if the penetration is unusually rough and the vagina in question is unaroused. It can also break from completely non-sexual physically strenous activities like horseback riding. 

Aw crap. I’m glad Lierdumoa clarified since I worded so terribly, but it’s gonna be embarrassing to have my bad wording spread.

Such is the Nature of Tumblr.

I meant the exact opposite of what it sounds like I’m saying and the YouTube video linked is exactly the YouTube clip I was referring to which informed me of this thing when I was in my early 20s. Which is what I meant to say.

But my brain manages to forget to include context information. Like I’ll have convos with someone about like, I don’t know, a toaster, and then be like, isn’t that pattern just like my quilt? And everyone will stare at me and I’ll be so confused because obviously I’m talking about the drapes I’m staring at.

But those closest to me have figured out how to follow my jumps and I haven’t been as mindful of it lately.

Ugh brains suck