Mutuals, I’m curious you’re thoughts.
It came up on Facebook recently, a question as to whether or not poly fits into LGBTQA+
I had never considered it before. I have lots of thoughts but am not sure I want to influence what y’all might say
I think as far as being a relationship model that deviates from the accepted norm it has a place in the movement because poly people will have their relationship choices questioned and disrespected. Plus there is a significant chance of a poly relationship including at least one queer person, and if the poly relationship is all cishet its members are very likely to be targeted by misdirected queerphobia. This means a higher awareness, ability to relate, and it makes fighting for queer rights fairly personal.
If it’s not inherently LGBTQA+ it’s at the very least LGBTQA+ adjacent, and that’s not trivial.
To add, being in a poly relationship myself, I often find myself wondering- who am I to my girlfriend’s husband, and who is he to me? We’re not together, we are connected by the same person, but that means we’re not separate either. Nevermind that not everyone in the trio is cishet, is this queer? Does queer even apply or…is there something else that, coincidentally, faces the same bigotry?
I think this is where definitions get complicated enough to need space, exactly the kind of space that the queer movement has been fighting for. Defining the relationship in order to fit a label seems backwards here. If my girlfriend’s husband is straight, and both me and her are not, that makes him more than an ally, I’d argue. If they were both straight, and I was the only queer factor in the equation, I’m not convinced their need for support and a place within the queer movement would become irrelevant if I left or was potentially replaced by a cishet person.
This is all really good, and feels pretty closely in line with how I reacted to the question. I mean, at first I was like ‘wouldn’t someone be queer anyway’? To which I realized that wasn’t necessarily the case, especially because it was brought up by someone who, by the way he talked about the issue, is probably a cis het man.
But regardless it sounded to me like a sexual minority, one that could bar a person from certain jobs or civil rights and definitely many stereotypes.
I did see one reblog that I won’t address head on because they weren’t a mutual—and I don’t have the high level spell slots to get into discourse with people I don’t know where I stand with—but the commentary essentially asked that if poly were let in, what would be left out?
And honestly, I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Queer, more and more, is encompassing more. And I think it’s less of a ‘just let everyone complain’ like I think some people see it.
The point, is that what is considered “"normal”“ in our society, the ‘way to live your life’ that isn’t met with absurd hostility, is an EXTREMELY narrow set of qualifications: cis allo het
The POINT, is that very few people fit that.
Think about white people. White is not a huge percentage. In fact, statistically speaking, they’re probably not nearly a majority of the group. But white people are the ”“norm”“ and what you have to be, as far as race is concerned, not to be treated with hostility and not to have reduced access to a fair and just life.
I don’t know. The realization that the point of it all is how ridiculous those narrow expectations are is harmful and toxic is enough for me in many ways so I don’t feel the need to play olympics with the ways I experience oppression compared to others.
Thoughtfulfangirling 