drovie:

A few years back, I had gone to a friend’s birthday party with my service dog, Zeus. The owner of the establishment refused to allow me entrance, and I got a lot of hate mail from people for wanting to enter a public place with my dog. It didn’t help that the place lied to their customers and claimed that Zeus was not a service dog at all.

The hate mail though, it made me want to give up. I thought about just retiring Zeus and giving up trying to have a normal life. Just kind of.. hide away from people and everything. I struggled hard with accepting my mental illness, and with the things I have to do in order to function in society. I felt guilty for asking for special accommodation such as having my dog with me, being allowed to leave a panel if I start to have a break down in order to take my medications and regain myself. Having to carefully moderate what I talk about and when I talk about things. Having to cut ties with literally half of my family for my own safety and well being.

I spiraled into intensely suicidal thoughts, because it was all just too hard. Being publicly kicked out of a friend’s birthday party and having them all just be.. see you later, with little to no support from the friends there, was the final straw for me.

And then Carrie Fisher came around with Gary. I was aware of her mental illness advocacy and I had appreciated it. But when she brought Gary out, it snapped me out of that despair. I NEED Zeus, and now I NEED Tucker. I barely leave my house while zeus is retired and tucker is in training, and when I do go out it’s intensely difficult.

But Carrie Fisher normalized having a dog with you. She normalized having that tie and needing that support. She normalized having mental illness, and the health care to live with it. And it made me stand up again, and say… I need this. This is my support, so I can live a life as full as any healthy person can. And that’s okay.

She was a bright light of comfort for many of us, and I for one will take her words with me whenever I start to fall, and pick myself back up again. I will live my life with humor and honesty, and a stubborn determination to not let anything get me down.

Rest in peace Carrie Fisher. To quote her own desire for her obituary. She drowned in moonlight strangled by her bra.