Apart from being based on naïve and simplistic ideas about how language works, the other big problem with the ‘women, stop undermining yourselves’ approach is that it presupposes a deficit model of women’s language-use. If women use the word ‘sorry’ more than men (and by the way, that’s a genuine ‘if’: I’m not aware of any compelling evidence they do), that can only mean that women are over-using ‘sorry’, apologizing when it isn’t necessary or appropriate. The alternative interpretation—that men are under-using ‘sorry’ because they don’t always apologise when the circumstances demand it —is surely no less logical or plausible, but somehow it never comes up. As I said back in the summer, the assumption is always that ‘a woman’s place is in the wrong’.
Crap apps and female email | language: a feminist guide
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I think this is a really important point. Women are consistently disadvantaged in relation to men by the kinds of characteristics which constitute traditional models of femininity. But this doesn’t undermine the fact that many of these ‘feminine’ characteristics – care, humility, altruism, and co-operation over competition – are actually also virtuous, and I think that a decent feminist critique of gender relations needs to appreciate this.
Women are disadvantaged because in many cases guys are taught to be shitty people who exploit the virtue of others as a weakness.
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Thoughtfulfangirling 