I think I just realized something. 

I’ve been on Facebook a lot lately where my ‘irl’ friends are—where my family is, posting a lot of political posts, scanning through for them posted by others.

It’s not that I want to obsess on it, it’s just that nothing else is holding my attention. Nothing is bringing me much joy for long. Which I know is probably a sign that I’m experiencing some level of depression. 

I keep telling myself that it means I need to disengage, get off Facebook, do something else, but I just can’t seem to. 

So I think I realized part of what’s going on (the other part is that I just don’t have many other hobbies outside of Tumblr/Facebook really) 

I’m desperately flailing, looking for rays of light of understanding and a willingness to learn there, where my friends/family are. I’m desperately seeking some hint that people, the people who aren’t on Tumblr who haven’t already spent time getting past social justice 101, are realizing how important it is to go out and educate themselves, to learn, to not pull the victim card or whine about how they just don’t… can’t get it. 

And of course it’s a hopeless task. Oh, there are people on there that get it, but they’re the same people who got it before. And it’s so fucking bleak. How do I move past that need? How do I stop this cycle? Ugh. I don’t even know. 

I can distract myself for periods of time, don’t get me wrong. Overwatch is a blessing right now. But it doesn’t last. 

Ugh