I’m reposting myself because I had to edit this post a bunch after autocorrect fucked it up and also my first version was sort of incoherent with rage. I think it’s mostly saying what it needs to say now.
Which isn’t to say I’m not still furious, but I think I’m more coherently furious now:
So like I just read the most bullshit discourse that basically tried to say that a person’s place within the queer community should solely be determined by their romantic attraction and not by their sexual attraction??? And therefore heteroromantic aces are straight???
Basically these people think they can pick and choose which parts of another person’s identity are valid and which parts aren’t. They think romantic attraction is superior to, or more authentic than sexual attraction.
According to this insane troll logic I, a greyromantic bisexual, am not allowed to call myself bi. If romantic attraction is the only kind of attraction that “counts” then aromantic homosexuals aren’t allowed to call themselves gay either.
I’m sick of people conflating romantic attraction with empathy. Newsflash: platonic love exists. So does parental love. Love and empathy should not be equated with romance, or with romantic attraction, any more than they should be equated with sex, or sexual attraction.
Gatekeepers will continue to make up rules for why it is okay to exclude and other whomever doesn’t meet their very special “only I am queer enough” standards.
I lost all respect for and unfollowed someone tonight. I’m 1000% done with people trying to invalidate ace identities. If you don’t think all ace people are valid, you need to leave my blog.
If you are ace, and you think that people who are not ace in exactly the same way you are ace are invalid, you still need to leave my blog.
If you think that you have the moral authority to decide for an ace person whether or not their identity is “authentically” ace, or “authentically” queer, than you’re gross, and I don’t want to know you.
And I hope the door breaks your fucking pelvis hitting you in the ass on the way out BYE.
Okay, so just to put the above post in context:
We made this community because we all had a shared experience of being punished by society for failing to conform to romantic/sexual/and gender norms. We made this community to protect each other and stand up for each other because we realized nobody else was going to do it.
When you call someone straight, you are saying that person isn’t marginalized, and that person doesn’t need protection.
So how can anyone say that heteroromantic aces don’t belong in our community?
One of the primary forms of anti-queer violence is corrective rape. One of the primary forms of queer oppression is the pathologization of our identities within the psychiatric community and the health care industry.
How can anyone deny the reality that heteroromantic aces are just as vulnerable to these forms of queer oppression and queer violence as any other member of the queer community?
We made this community because we all had a shared experience of being punished by society for failing to conform to romantic/sexual/and gender norms. We made this community to protect each other and stand up for each other because we realized nobody else was going to do it.
If we’re going to argue that certain people don’t belong in the community, in spite of the fact that they face the exact same forms of violence and marginalization, perpetrated by the exact same bigots, for the exact same reasons, than we’re hypocrites.
If we’re not protecting everyone who faces anti-queer violence, than we’ve lost our way. Our community has no foundation and no higher purpose. Our community is just a clubhouse, run by selfish children. We might as well hang a sign on the door saying “No [insert slur] allowed” in comic sans.
I don’t want to be part of a clubhouse full of hypocrites.
I want to be a part of a community that actually stands for something.
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