The whole “I’m not like other girls” movement should really be called the “I don’t want men to treat me the way they treat other women” movement because that’s what it really is. Women know that a girl who wears makeup is as respectable as a girl who wears none. A girl who’s played every Final Fantasy game is as respectable as a girl who digs Candy Crush. A woman who started her own law firm is as respectable as a single mom who works in the service industry. A girl who enjoys casual sex is as respectable as a girl who has never had her first kiss. A lesbian who has no interest in men is as respectable as a straight girl who loves her boyfriend. A girl who reads People magazine is as respectable as a girl who reads Dostoyevsky.
Women have been extensively shamed for saying “I’m not like other girls” when what they are really saying, maybe without knowing it, is “I’ve heard the way men talk about specific types of women, typically women who do things that they don’t understand or relate to, and I really, really want them to separate me from that and see me as a person who is worthy of being respected.” How much respect a woman gets from men is very rarely indicative of how much she deserves.
“I don’t want you to treat me the way you treat other girls, because you treat other girls like shit.”
I’d rather do anything than treat teenage girls,” a psychologist friend once told me. He said that teenage girls couldn’t be trusted, that they would pretend to be your friend and then stab you in the back, even if you were their shrink. There was something about the teenage girl that was just too much, seductive and repulsive all at once. They were beyond the understanding of medical science, even, as if their angst defied the laws of physics and chemistry. This doctor was prepared for cadavers and psychotic breaks, but not for the teenage girl.
Teenage girls are everything that we love to hate. They are vain and naive. They are the ultimate consumer, influenced by everything from social media to what their friends are wearing. They make YouTube channels of themselves talking to themselves. They place their fingers in the makeup samples and smear too much on their eyelids. But we can’t keep our eyes off of them.
Omg, what are these people afraid of? When they say being stabbed in the back? My mom works in mental health with a grown ass adult man who make her literally fear for her safety sometimes (most mentally ill people are not violent, but as with all things, there are exceptions) and these people are afraid of being ‘stabbed in the back?’ Like, what do they freaking think is going to happen. “My patient said mean things about me. Waaaah”? “My patient talked back to me! Waaaah!”
Whereas I’ve talked to many girls who when they were teens got terrible psychiatric care by people who didn’t think their complaints valid enough or thought they may be lying, and they internalized/learned that people won’t trust them. Just… waah?
I heard one good argument that making it a federal holiday means low income families will suddenly have to try to get to the polls while trying to figure out child care which could make this more difficult which means my feelings are up in the air about that one, but if we did the rest of these, that probably wouldn’t be as much of an issue? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time
like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him
if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.
she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact
it’s a f***ing trap
F***ing hate dudes forreal.
too many f***ing times ugh
Story time.
One day I was on the MAX (basically a giant street car that goes all over the metro area) on my way to meet up with a few friends. I didn’t look at anyone, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just stood to the side on my phone making sure I wasn’t going to be late to my meeting.
Out of no where, this guy comes up to me and starts to chat me up. Me, being who I am, am absolutely terrified to tell this guy to f*** off. He was at least half a foot taller than me, and was way too bulky for me to fight back. So I suck it up at humor him, say hello. Before introducing himself or asking me for my name, he asks me out on a date. Not wanting to piss him off I try to make light of the situation and I laugh, telling him that my boyfriend wouldn’t like the idea, but thank you for the offer. He just shrugs and says, “He doesn’t need to know.”
At this point I’m scared out of my mind. There’s this guy who, after seeing me run two blocks to catch the train, comes up to me and has made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t going to leave without getting something out of me.
I deny him a second time, saying, “I don’t even know you’re name. We’re strangers, I don’t know you.” He finally introduces himself and asks me for my phone number. I tell him I don’t give my number out to people I’ve just met and he says, “Fine, but at least take mine so we can meet up later.” So he watches me plug his number into my phone (which I deleted as soon as I knew I was safe and away from him) as we’re pulling up to my stop. I tell him I need to leave and switch trains and he tells me, “Oh, I’ll wait with you. I don’t have any plans, so I’m in no rush.” It’s important to note what at this point he had previously told me that he was late to a job interview, but he has all the time in the world because he still hasn’t gotten what he wanted from me; a yes.
I get off of the train and he follows me, and waits at the platform with me for over ten minutes until my train arrives, asking me all sorts of personal questions about where I live and where I was going that day. As soon as the train pulls up he grabs for me and says, “Do I at least get a hug before you go?”
I was terrified. I was embarrassed. This dude, who before even asking me for my name asks me out on a date and then continues to harass me after I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks me for a hug only fifteen minutes after meeting. People around us were staring at me, as if I was being rude for denying him, and every inch of me was mortified. I wanted to run, but I felt like if I had done that he would have chased after me and things would have gotten worse. So I did, and he squeezed me so tight I felt like I was going to burst. It took me a good ten seconds to get him to let go and I ran to the train car just as the doors were closing. He was trying to get me to miss my train so I would have to wait with him even longer. I would have been stuck there for over a half an hour until the next train came by, and the platform (aside from the few buses coming by) was now COMPLETELY EMPTY. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he knew EXACTLY how to get me alone with him.
People, if you are in a situation like this do not feel obligated to give in. If someone is making you uncomfortable and asks to touch you in any way, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YES. Make excuses, be blunt, just straight up say ‘no’. If possible, go to someone else near by who you think can help you and ask them to help you. It’s important for guys to learn that they can’t get what they want just by asking over and over again.
I got lucky. But not everyone does. Please, everyone, Be Safe.
SECOND STORY TIME
So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.
Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?”
This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that.
AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-
“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.
So this is the second lesson for yall. If you can not have the courage to say no or make an excuse, cry. Let out those sobs and tears and cry your heart out. Because it is going to make people notice and make people aware.
Reblogging for that second story. This might save a life.
I just wanna note that bus drivers can be really amazing and good ones do look out for their riders.
Also, as an additional tip (in case you cannot cry on command or such), you can say, “No, because you’re creepy/creeping me out” and if he persists or tries to laugh it off, say “I do not want to be touched” and look at one of the strangers/persons that is watching.
It: 1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help. 2. Contains words so that if you’re in a public place but people aren’t necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some people’s attention. 3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.
Hopes this also helps, guys, and I’m so sad that this has to even be a post we need.
Dudes who follow me: 1) reblog this 2) don’t be the creepy guy who asks random women for hugs 3) be aware of your friends or random creepy dudes and call them out if they act gross towards girls/womem
So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.
The question?
“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”
Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*
Landlord: *looks smug*
Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?
Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!
Pub: *more laughter*
Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*
Landlord: Fuck. Me.
Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF*
Landlord: How did you even know that?
Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?
Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?
Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.
Whenever I hear about another documentary or article bitching about how social media is destroying lives, and are we all just obsessive narcissists who want to be liked, and people online aren’t *real* friends, I want to make my own documentary.
It would be full of people talking about the first time they found other people like them, people they could really talk to and who understood. There would be so many clips of online friends meeting each other in person for the firsttime at airports and conventions, with all of the tears and laughter, and immediately hugging and talking like they’ve never been apart.
Online friendship is not screaming into the void waiting for someone to ‘like’ your post. It’s staying up until 3am talking over a messenger about books and movies, and music, or comforting your friend because they’re sad, and knowing they’d do the same for you. It’s group hugs at the train station when you finally get to meet in person and feeling like you’ve been doing this forever. It’s making art for someone because you want them to smile, even f they’ll never see it.
Online friendship is friendship, not some inferior form of it. And I am so sick of people who don’t get it being snide and trying to analyse it.
American Eagle’s body positive campaign for men was an April Fool’s “joke”. Not only that, but the models that participated were lied to and had no idea that this wasn’t real and was a “prank”.
This is exceptionally cruel. Fat men’s bodies are not a joke.
So many fat people have trauma around the “jokes” that thin people like to play on us.
Thin people think it’s hilarious to pretend that they are romantically attracted to a fat person or that they want to be friends with a fat person.
The punchline is- HA HA! You thought you were a person! But you’re not! LOL!
These “pranks” leave scars, making it hard for their fat victims to believe anyone could ever care about them. These scars last for years, a lifetime.
That is what this “joke” reminded me of. A deep well of trauma from being subjected to the cruelties of thin people.
Of humiliation and torment, over and over, for the sake of thin people’s “jokes”.
I will not ever shop at an American Eagle again.
I stand in solidarity with fat men and masculine people.
I AM SO ANGRY. SO SO SO SO SO ANGRY. BLACK MEN ARE ALREADY UNDERREPRESENTED IN MEDIA IN POSITIVE OR ANY ROLE AND YOU THINK IT IS OK TO DO THIS EVEN MORE? LIKE THIS MODEL HAD NO CLUE?????????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?????????
Thoughtfulfangirling 