Month: April 2016

thoughtfulproxy:

This April Fools thing is ridic! I got really confused when I went to post about how I dropped out of a game session because I commented on the gender specific game player rule and got the ‘it’s an old game’ and the ‘don’t be like that’ and of course then got targeted for the ‘don’t speak for 5 mins’ rule and just no. I totally get that it’s a silly simple game but I’m just not down to play if that’s how that comment is going to be treated

And it’s awkward cause everyone’s probably annoyed, and the host probably feels miserable, and I feel dumb about it, and it’d all have been cleaner if id just go along but for gods sake people, let a person process something before you start excusing shit and in fact targeting that person to do this thing they hadn’t processed. Or even just acknowledge the ridiculousness. Like, yeah, that is strange. All the game is like this. Is that gonna be a problem? And I could be like, I guess not *sigh* lol.

This April Fools thing is ridic! I got really confused when I went to post about how I dropped out of a game session because I commented on the gender specific game player rule and got the ‘it’s an old game’ and the ‘don’t be like that’ and of course then got targeted for the ‘don’t speak for 5 mins’ rule and just no. I totally get that it’s a silly simple game but I’m just not down to play if that’s how that comment is going to be treated

redshoesnblueskies:

fairypsychic:

dormouse11:

fairypsychic:

Ok so I rly fucking need to clean my house. Do any other People With Depression™ have any tips or ways you motivate urself to clean? Because this feels like the hardest goddamn thing in the world even tho I know it’s not and I’m just continually frustrated with myself and have been for the past two weeks.

HOO BOY DO I HAVE DEPRESSION/EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION CLEANING TIPS

in no particular order (because I have depression and executive dysfunction):

1. If something sensory about cleaning bothers you, eliminate that before you start. For example, I wear gloves to do the dishes. If the sound of the vacuum bothers you, wear headphones and turn up the music. etc.

2. If you can, make a list of everything that needs to be done. Then acknowledge that you probably can’t do it all, and circle all the things that absolutely, no matter what, have to be done. Pick one (ONE! ONLY ONE! START WITH ONE!) of those things and break it down into smaller steps. Then even smaller steps. Seriously, if step one is “stand up” and step two is “walk to closet” and step 3 is “get mop”, that’s fine. It can be that small.

3. Take a break. “But I literally only started five minutes ago!” Don’t care. If you want a break, take a break. “At this point I’ve spent more time on breaks than I’ve spent on cleaning.” Ok, but you’ve spent more than zero time on cleaning, so you’ve accomplished more than you had at the beginning. “If I take a break it won’t get done!” If you burn out it won’t get done either. Take a break.

4. If nothing is working, try what I call bin cleaning/box cleaning. Take a big trash bag and a box. Pick up the first object you see. Step 1: Is it trash? Put it in the trash bag. Step 2: Will you use it in the next 2 days? No? Put it in the box. It’s a problem for Future You. If you’ll use it in the next 2 days, take time to put it away. Rinse and repeat.

5. Did you get distracted and forget what you were doing? Don’t worry about it. Just clean a thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the thing you were cleaning before. You have to clean lots of things, so just pick a thing and clean it. Eventually you’ll get around to the thing you forgot.

6. If you have to do a thing you really hate, do a thing you like afterwards. I hate doing dishes, but folding laundry soothes me, so that’s a nice one to do afterwards. YMMV. If there are no cleaning things you like that you can do afterwards, see number 3.

7. Make it fun. Play loud music and dance while you’re cleaning. Wear something that makes you feel cute, or if you prefer, something comfy. Light your favorite candle. Whatever.

8. If it’s nice out, open a window. Seriously, it helps.

This is seriously so helpful, thank you.

These are all excellent!!

A few more strategies that may be helpful:

~If looking at a cluttered room causes your visual centers to short out, pick a category of object: Red things; coffee cups; silverware; clothes (if most of the floor is clothes, narrow it further – only pink clothes; only bras; etc.).

If picking a category out and picking it up is all you can manage (because cleaning it or putting it away is overwhelming), go to the box solution. There was a time when i had a big bin outside each room – kid object? Chuck it in the ‘kid bin’. Dishes object? Chuck it in the ‘kitchen bin’.

You can do this for 15 minutes and suddenly find you have a floor and some flat surfaces in the room. Deal with the stuff in bins later with further sub-categorization as needed.

~ Another strategy I’ve found helpful over the years, is arrange a cleaning trade with a good friend who’s dealing with something similar. Set up a date for doing *just a little cleaning* and then something really nice like ice cream or a movie or whatever you guys like to do together.

Having someone with you who you can just point and say, “Please oh god can you go through that pile of mail and recycle all the junk mail!” is GOLD. And when it’s not *your* junkmail, it’s stupidly easy to do it! So your friend and you can trade these chores that are emotionally exhausting to even start when the chore is yours, but stupid easy when the same chore belongs to someone else.

Keep it basic – change the sheets & get them washed. That’s it – now the ice cream! Next time fold the 19 loads of laundry on the sofa – stop there, go straight to ice cream!

I know it sounds extremely minimal to do just one category of chore as a duo initially, but if you burn each other out you won’t be able to do cleaning + ice cream dates on a regular basis. You want the system to start really really small. It will get more ambitious in its own time 🙂

kimbureh:

flamethrowing-hurdy-gurdy:

pippin4242:

cthulhu-communism:

pippin4242:

cthulhu-communism:

pippin4242:

toothbrush-expropriator:

cthulhu-communism:

“Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond.” 

“Demiphobia is real”

What the fuck are you talking about

I just feel so bad that there are fourteen year olds out there who have come out as demisexual to their parents and it’s been so awkward and uncomfortable that I’m cringing just thinking about it hypothetically.

I still don’t understand how demisexuality is any different than “I don’t really like casual sex”.

It’s fucking different because the attraction is not felt until a bond is established. It’s a revelation, a switching on. It’s on the asexual spectrum and it’s not fucking hard to understand.

demisexuality is so loose as to probably include vast numbers of people who don’t think about it. 

my query was more on the notion that ‘demiphobia is real’ seems like one hell of a stretch. 

Mmmm, I think people shade people quite a bit for not being able to engage in “he’s cute, she’s cute” conversation. I doubt people are getting murdered for it, but queer oppression’s not a competition.

Oh really? Didn’t realise it applied to like, not being able to appreciate aesthetic qualities in people.. like when a lot of people say “that person is cute” its not like a lustful thing. Interesting.

I’m not ace or ace-spectrum, but as I’m reliably informed, it’s not gonna stop you going “she has great hair, he has a great bum,” but those comments aren’t gonna be flavoured with sexual attraction. There’s no implication that “he has a great bum and I’d like it if he asked me out.” It’s just appreciation of a bottom. Like wallpaper. My partner spends about as much time favourably commenting on wallpaper as on people’s appearances, and considerably more commenting on passing birds. And she’s actually a very sexual person with a strong sex drive – she just doesn’t experience passing attraction. Pretty much ever. It’s just a small thing for the most part, but it’s the kind of queer trait which gets called out and treated as strange and threatening. She doesn’t identify with the pop song, she doesn’t think the backing dancers are interesting, she fell out with all her friends when they were teenagers and started getting intense about dating boys, and all she wanted to do was watch Dragonball Z. It can be alienating and othering. Like most queer theory, the term exists to make people go OH THAT THING, WAIT I’M NOT BROKEN.

In my experience one very unsettling symptom of asexuality is not being able to appreciate most media and the social culture around sex in the expected way. If you do not know you can be asexual, you kinda learn to take things for granted- that people need sex, that people feel lust, that people’s emotions are triggered by certain songs, phrases, images, etc. that certain things are understandable, relatable- you kinda fake it even though you don’t relate to them at all. The issue is that unless you are familiar and comfortable with the concept of asexuality, you feel like you should be relating to them, you feel like there’s something wrong with you and you just gotta fake it til you make it. Like any closeted queer person trying to convince everyone around you you’re ‘normal’. Including yourself.

I’ve faked it. It didn’t end well. 

I haven’t got a clear definition of where I fall on the ace(and aro) spectrum but the whole point is to be able to consider yourself asexual and then see what that means for you, instead of trying to dodge a quota that somehow makes you allosexual and then forces you to continue faking it by dismissing your actual needs. All it takes to start questioning your supposed heterosexuality is to have feelings for a gender other than the opposite. All it should take to start questioning your allosexuality is to notice you are not really responding to sexual things the same way most people around you are. And going back to the former analogy, let’s remember bisexuality exists, as do genders that are not male or female.

For me it was really an issue of separating What I Have Been Told and What I Have Tried To Live Out  from What I Really Feel. I say with confidence now that I am asexual and aromantic because I cannot and do not want to relate to the typical expectations for a sexual and romantic adult relationship. 

This is a very fragile identity and has been hard won, and requires constant defense against my own insecurities and other people’s expectations. And I’m a grown-ass adult.

It’s no skin off of anyone’s nose to let people think of themselves as demisexual, even at fourteen, especially if that means these people will not force themselves into situations they are not comfortable with based on the idea that ‘everyone else acts normal you’re just making this up’.

What’s the worst case scenario? Maybe they’ll figure out they weren’t demisexual after all. But they will have a better understanding of their own sexuality in relation to their own expectatios, and not just society’s pressures.

When I grew up, I was very aware of the step between childhood and teenager – it’s perfectly accepted for a child to display disgust at any intimate or kissing scene in media, it’s cute even how they are appalled! But when you become a teenager, it gets more and more expected for you to enter a discussion about intimacy, judge the hotness of the characters who are kissing, tell your own fantasies. And these discussions were always so alienating to me, my friends looking at magazins, judging who of the Kelly Family was the cutest, which backstreet boy was probably the best kisser. And my friends were alienated by me since I didn’t join at all. I stopped talking about my favorite characters in middle and high school because I was unable to answer the inevitable question about the “hotness level” of the character. Just as inevitably I faked these conversations at some point.

When I finally was interested in a band, I tried so hard to project sexual feelings towards the band members because my friends would approve of that, saying “You are finally cured, I knew you would eventually have interest!”. Ugh no, it felt so fake and so uncomfortable and the facade didn’t last long.

The first kisses I shared with somebody I really liked felt SO BORING. I didn’t understand why we had to do that, but I felt obliged to like it. It took me several more years before I engaged another relationship, and again, I felt obliged to like things I didn’t. If I had known about the concept of asexuality and demisexuality back then, that would have spared me quite some time and effort and emotional stress.Today, I don’t feel the need to apply any of these labels to myself (maybe somewhen I decide differently?), but if these labels help anybody understand them better, please use and spread them.

“IT’S NO SKIN OFF OF ANYONE’S NOSE TO LET PEOPLE THINK OF THEMSELVES AS DEMISEXUAL, EVEN AT FOURTEEN, ESPECIALLY IF THAT MEANS THESE PEOPLE WILL NOT FORCE THEMSELVES INTO SITUATIONS THEY ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH BASED ON THE IDEA THAT ‘EVERYONE ELSE ACTS NORMAL YOU’RE JUST MAKING THIS UP’.”

—@flamethrowing-hurdy-gurdy

Fuuuuuuuck yeeeeeaaaaasss!!! 

!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!

(All caps and bolding mine) 

primarybufferpanel:

thesweetpianowritingdownmylife:

glyndarling:

glenn-griffon:

star-anise:

thepositivecattitude:

Mother cat with kittens came to meet an old friend.

I can’t believe we’ve already found the best animal video of 2016.

That is too adorable. You can tell the mother cat actually does trust the dog just by her body language. Typically a mother will watch her kittens closely and be very protective of them, here she completely trusts the dog to play gentle with them. This is just too damn cute.

When he bops the kitten and looks up at Mom to make sure he didn’t overstep!

The dog is trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible!!

just gonna repost this every time I see it