JUST NOTICED A THING AND IT IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!!!
tldr; THERE’S AN OPTION TO BLOCK UNREGISTERED OR LOGGED OUT USERS FROM SEEING YOUR BLOG NOW. IF IT’S OFF, THEY SEE THIS:
this is a BIG DEAL to me because I’ve been being actively stalked by my ex for more than a year now. we all know blocking does nothing since it doesn’t stop someone from going to your blog directly to see your posts while logged out.
well NOW YOU CAN OPT TO ONLY ALLOW LOGGED IN USERS TO VIEW YOUR BLOG. YES, EVEN YOUR MAIN.
this is FAR from fixing the problem since there’s no way to SEE which users have viewed your blog (so you can block them if you deem this necessary) or to only allow followers/mutuals to view your blog, but it’s a BIG step in the right direction. i’m sorta astounded i haven’t heard about this via another post but it’s important enough to me to make this post and let people know about it.
so PLEASE REBLOG THIS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO NEED IT.
i’ll gladly endure the flood of notes this post is sure to bring if it means a bit of control and some peace of mind for anyone else out there who’s also living with the fear and anxiety of their blog being monitored by unwanted watchers.
i encourage anyone with this issue to create a statcounter account too.
statcounter is a free, easy to use site for monitoring site traffic. statcounter’s code tracks visitors to your site and its branch links (like readmores!) and the site itself offers a sizable, free storage log to record and store this information.
i’ve drawn up a complete how-to on installing and using statcounter over here.
I started crying while watching the video, and then I went to the website and saw this selection of checkboxes:
COMFORTABLE. NOT CONFIDENT. THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT.
So I signed up and they have this referral code thing, so if anyone who follows me would like to do it, if you wouldn’t mind using my referrral I would appreciate it https://www.dia.co/r/23ca
I signed up for this and got my first box last week! I liked everything, though I couldn’t KEEP everything for $$ reasons. I generally think waistbands are to be avoided at all costs, but they sent me JEANS. That FIT. And are COMFORTABLE. And LOOK GOOD. I am in awe. Super excited for my next box now. Do recommend!
He’s learning that if he forcibly invades a woman’s space, no one will intervene. And therefore nothing is wrong with his actions. If anything people will videotape and giggle about how he’s such a flirt. He’ll be raised believing this is normal behavior.
She’s learning that no one will intervene when someone invades her physical space. The adults who are supposed to take care of her don’t care that she feels uncomfortable. The people who she’s supposed to trust to keep her safe are encouraging this invasion of her body. She’s learning that her feelings aren’t valid. This’ll be followed with “that just means he likes you”. She’ll be taught that invasion of her physical self is what’s expected of her and that this is genuine affection.
this isn’t even where socialization starts
this boy already feels entitled to her body and affection. so much so that literally being shoved to the floor multiple times and running away from him isn’t even a moment’s deterrent and clearly sets off no warning bells that maybe this is something he shouldn’t be doing
and she is learning in this moment that this is normal. that this is acceptable, because no one is stopping it and taking her away and protecting her. her telling him no and pushing him away from her mean nothing. telling men no is pointless and fighting against it is pointless, because they will not stop until they get what they want. even running away will not help.
they have had so much socialization already that their actions are literally mirroring that of society, of rapists and their victims.
notice how he also keeps thrusting his hips at her. you can see he has
the ability to lean forward without doing that, and the fact that he
does (and with intent, as you can clearly see in the 6th gif)
how much you wanna bet he learned that from watching an older family member? from someone out in public? from something on TV?
and the fact that not a single person is stepping in and telling him no is only reinforcing that when girls tell him no and shove him away, all he has to do is keep trying, and he’ll get what he wants.
this is how quickly socialization and misogyny ingrains irreparably in our minds.
Less critically thinking individuals might think that nothing is happening here, but child psychology has told us time and time again that this is the age when humans are learning a massive amount about human interaction.
So many are blind to it because it starts this early. It’s literally from day 1, you’re whole perspective. Men are particularly blind to it because they are benefited rather than subjugated.
^ great point, child development 101 taught me that children are really sponges while they’re in early childhood/toddler stage. They learn from what they see.
Rebloging for ALL the comments.
I find the hip thrust and arm positioning particularly disturbing. He’s pinning and keeping her in place with his body. This child sees someone in his life, someone important, do this on a regular basis.
Let that sink in. Somewhere there’s a man who uses his hips and arms to pin a woman to wall often enough that the toddler above has learned how to do it. In fact, he’s learned how to persist despite resistance.
Aeriehas just launched #AerieMAN. The new campaign, which coincides with the upcoming release of a mens line, is helping to further swing the body positivity movement to include men in the conversation. While the women’s body positive movement continues to gain steam, the need for male body positivity is often overlooked.
I was expecting a rickroll from all of this but omfg anybody who needs a marketing gig better get their resume printed cause somebody’s job is gonna be available soon.
WOW THATS FUCKED UP!
That’s really fucked up. Wow.
This is just…hurtful??? Like I’m not a dude but I can’t help but feel hurt by proxy.
What an insult.
reblogging to inspire my followers to NEVER BUY FROM AERIE
I dunno what it is for me. Just the sound, or the event/memory/atmosphere it implies? The way it’s always combined with sharp light that pushes me to dissociate, maybe.
I don’t know. There’s something. There’s always something, something double about the world. Pleasant sensations are never just pleasant, they always have a creepy edge to them. Even the ones you’d think would be straightforward, like mild sunshine, fresh smell in the air, green leaves, blue skies, calmness, warmth.
Birdsong.
Maybe it’s a return of the ol’ panic attack, I suppose since I started taking the meds in winter I got a handle on managing it in a wintery atmosphere, but now extra impulses are happening and I’m not prepared for those.
I can’t speak for you or pretend to understand, but I definitely have family members who have struggled for years to enjoy good things. They experienced enough terrible things happening after good things, so they almost feel like good things and good moments are the calm before the storm and caused them extra anxiety.
My mom has talked too about how developing a sense of security often allows you headspace to deal with trauma, which can mean that if you get comfort, your mind might start throwing shit at you.
I can’t say any of these things are the case for you, but this all came to mind. It’s definitely an unfortunate feeling. 😦 The birdsong is probably the only thing I feel your list applies to me, and it probably comes more for some sense of annoyance than anxiety. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period for you like you seem to suggest and that you’ll find yourself able to just enjoy these things later on.
I have no trauma, no bad things have happened to me that could cause this. Unless depression and it’s effects themselves count as trauma, because the last couple of years have definitely had me in a state of permanent fear of the storm happening, or as I would usually call it, walking on a tightrope high over some very pretty, but very deadly landscape. Good feelings rot and turn poisonous for me without fail. It’s all in my head but that’s what happens.
But I don’t know. This could be so many things, so many of my ‘concerns’ could be at the root of why birdsong makes me uneasy, has always made me uneasy. Trying to figure it out would be a pain and probably impossible so I’ll just deal with it like with so many other unavoidable, objectively nice things which still manage to cause me discomfort.
I wouldn’t be surprised if prolonged depression has distinct traumatic effects, but I’m definitely/obviously not an expert, and this isn’t really my lane. But I’ve been going through some extra anxiety/frustration than usual (stemming more from my own sense of self-doubt right now than anything else), and I can’t imagine what it would feel like having it pop up randomly or being any sort of constant. I had a good dose of that gut-rot feeling tonight and definitely had the thought that it being even remotely consistent and constant would have serious affects on my living life normally, so while I’m sure these are not the same feelings and that I probably won’t ever deal with it long term, I can imagine that it’s absolutely terrible and frustrating beyond hell to deal with. : / I’m sorry it’s something you’re dealing/have to deal with this.
It’s ok. I’m a million times more capable of handling this than i was last year. I just gotta take things slow. They’re just birds. It’s just light.
You hang in there too, eh? I’m sorry you’re getting extra mental shit thrown at you.
It really is good to talk even if we’re in different lanes, but we pass through the same nasty towns sometimes.
That’s good to hear. I definitely get the feeling that you can handle it right now, it just sucks.
Thanks. It’ll pass. Not trying to be a cliche, but some of it might likely be a coming period. I also just recently got back on birth control, so it’s probably a mixture of this (and a shitty mistake a few days ago and an aggravating encounter just several hours ago). Kind of frustrating to have to take pills so I can do a certain thing that I actually do veerry rarely so that I don’t get a certain thing out of it. lol
Haha, I like that. I’m glad to hear that this is your take. I try to make sure that if I do get out of my lane, I present an atmosphere where others can tell me, but I know that’s easier said than done for some people.
Ya I can see you being super careful and I appreciate but also…you’re fine, don’t worry about it with me. I don’t even know where my lane is??? I don’t even have a diagnosis, just a prescription. 😀
🙂 Good to know. And that’s fair. Glad it’s worked for you for the most part!!
I dunno what it is for me. Just the sound, or the event/memory/atmosphere it implies? The way it’s always combined with sharp light that pushes me to dissociate, maybe.
I don’t know. There’s something. There’s always something, something double about the world. Pleasant sensations are never just pleasant, they always have a creepy edge to them. Even the ones you’d think would be straightforward, like mild sunshine, fresh smell in the air, green leaves, blue skies, calmness, warmth.
Birdsong.
Maybe it’s a return of the ol’ panic attack, I suppose since I started taking the meds in winter I got a handle on managing it in a wintery atmosphere, but now extra impulses are happening and I’m not prepared for those.
I can’t speak for you or pretend to understand, but I definitely have family members who have struggled for years to enjoy good things. They experienced enough terrible things happening after good things, so they almost feel like good things and good moments are the calm before the storm and caused them extra anxiety.
My mom has talked too about how developing a sense of security often allows you headspace to deal with trauma, which can mean that if you get comfort, your mind might start throwing shit at you.
I can’t say any of these things are the case for you, but this all came to mind. It’s definitely an unfortunate feeling. 😦 The birdsong is probably the only thing I feel your list applies to me, and it probably comes more for some sense of annoyance than anxiety. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period for you like you seem to suggest and that you’ll find yourself able to just enjoy these things later on.
I have no trauma, no bad things have happened to me that could cause this. Unless depression and it’s effects themselves count as trauma, because the last couple of years have definitely had me in a state of permanent fear of the storm happening, or as I would usually call it, walking on a tightrope high over some very pretty, but very deadly landscape. Good feelings rot and turn poisonous for me without fail. It’s all in my head but that’s what happens.
But I don’t know. This could be so many things, so many of my ‘concerns’ could be at the root of why birdsong makes me uneasy, has always made me uneasy. Trying to figure it out would be a pain and probably impossible so I’ll just deal with it like with so many other unavoidable, objectively nice things which still manage to cause me discomfort.
I wouldn’t be surprised if prolonged depression has distinct traumatic effects, but I’m definitely/obviously not an expert, and this isn’t really my lane. But I’ve been going through some extra anxiety/frustration than usual (stemming more from my own sense of self-doubt right now than anything else), and I can’t imagine what it would feel like having it pop up randomly or being any sort of constant. I had a good dose of that gut-rot feeling tonight and definitely had the thought that it being even remotely consistent and constant would have serious affects on my living life normally, so while I’m sure these are not the same feelings and that I probably won’t ever deal with it long term, I can imagine that it’s absolutely terrible and frustrating beyond hell to deal with. : / I’m sorry it’s something you’re dealing/have to deal with this.
It’s ok. I’m a million times more capable of handling this than i was last year. I just gotta take things slow. They’re just birds. It’s just light.
You hang in there too, eh? I’m sorry you’re getting extra mental shit thrown at you.
It really is good to talk even if we’re in different lanes, but we pass through the same nasty towns sometimes.
That’s good to hear. I definitely get the feeling that you can handle it right now, it just sucks.
Thanks. It’ll pass. Not trying to be a cliche, but some of it might likely be a coming period. I also just recently got back on birth control, so it’s probably a mixture of this (and a shitty mistake a few days ago and an aggravating encounter just several hours ago). Kind of frustrating to have to take pills so I can do a certain thing that I actually do veerry rarely so that I don’t get a certain thing out of it. lol
Haha, I like that. I’m glad to hear that this is your take. I try to make sure that if I do get out of my lane, I present an atmosphere where others can tell me, but I know that’s easier said than done for some people.
I dunno what it is for me. Just the sound, or the event/memory/atmosphere it implies? The way it’s always combined with sharp light that pushes me to dissociate, maybe.
I don’t know. There’s something. There’s always something, something double about the world. Pleasant sensations are never just pleasant, they always have a creepy edge to them. Even the ones you’d think would be straightforward, like mild sunshine, fresh smell in the air, green leaves, blue skies, calmness, warmth.
Birdsong.
Maybe it’s a return of the ol’ panic attack, I suppose since I started taking the meds in winter I got a handle on managing it in a wintery atmosphere, but now extra impulses are happening and I’m not prepared for those.
I can’t speak for you or pretend to understand, but I definitely have family members who have struggled for years to enjoy good things. They experienced enough terrible things happening after good things, so they almost feel like good things and good moments are the calm before the storm and caused them extra anxiety.
My mom has talked too about how developing a sense of security often allows you headspace to deal with trauma, which can mean that if you get comfort, your mind might start throwing shit at you.
I can’t say any of these things are the case for you, but this all came to mind. It’s definitely an unfortunate feeling. 😦 The birdsong is probably the only thing I feel your list applies to me, and it probably comes more for some sense of annoyance than anxiety. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period for you like you seem to suggest and that you’ll find yourself able to just enjoy these things later on.
I have no trauma, no bad things have happened to me that could cause this. Unless depression and it’s effects themselves count as trauma, because the last couple of years have definitely had me in a state of permanent fear of the storm happening, or as I would usually call it, walking on a tightrope high over some very pretty, but very deadly landscape. Good feelings rot and turn poisonous for me without fail. It’s all in my head but that’s what happens.
But I don’t know. This could be so many things, so many of my ‘concerns’ could be at the root of why birdsong makes me uneasy, has always made me uneasy. Trying to figure it out would be a pain and probably impossible so I’ll just deal with it like with so many other unavoidable, objectively nice things which still manage to cause me discomfort.
I wouldn’t be surprised if prolonged depression has distinct traumatic effects, but I’m definitely/obviously not an expert, and this isn’t really my lane. But I’ve been going through some extra anxiety/frustration than usual (stemming more from my own sense of self-doubt right now than anything else), and I can’t imagine what it would feel like having it pop up randomly or being any sort of constant. I had a good dose of that gut-rot feeling tonight and definitely had the thought that it being even remotely consistent and constant would have serious affects on my living life normally, so while I’m sure these are not the same feelings and that I probably won’t ever deal with it long term, I can imagine that it’s absolutely terrible and frustrating beyond hell to deal with. : / I’m sorry it’s something you’re dealing/have to deal with this.
I feel you. I wish I could enjoy the birds. I don’t know if I feel a ton of anxiety over it, but there is something about the pitch and speed that can make me uncomfortable
I dunno what it is for me. Just the sound, or the event/memory/atmosphere it implies? The way it’s always combined with sharp light that pushes me to dissociate, maybe.
I don’t know. There’s something. There’s always something, something double about the world. Pleasant sensations are never just pleasant, they always have a creepy edge to them. Even the ones you’d think would be straightforward, like mild sunshine, fresh smell in the air, green leaves, blue skies, calmness, warmth.
Birdsong.
Maybe it’s a return of the ol’ panic attack, I suppose since I started taking the meds in winter I got a handle on managing it in a wintery atmosphere, but now extra impulses are happening and I’m not prepared for those.
I can’t speak for you or pretend to understand, but I definitely have family members who have struggled for years to enjoy good things. They experienced enough terrible things happening after good things, so they almost feel like good things and good moments are the calm before the storm and caused them extra anxiety.
My mom has talked too about how developing a sense of security often allows you headspace to deal with trauma, which can mean that if you get comfort, your mind might start throwing shit at you.
I can’t say any of these things are the case for you, but this all came to mind. It’s definitely an unfortunate feeling. 😦 The birdsong is probably the only thing I feel your list applies to me, and it probably comes more for some sense of annoyance than anxiety. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period for you like you seem to suggest and that you’ll find yourself able to just enjoy these things later on.
This April Fools thing is ridic! I got really confused when I went to post about how I dropped out of a game session because I commented on the gender specific game player rule and got the ‘it’s an old game’ and the ‘don’t be like that’ and of course then got targeted for the ‘don’t speak for 5 mins’ rule and just no. I totally get that it’s a silly simple game but I’m just not down to play if that’s how that comment is going to be treated
And it’s awkward cause everyone’s probably annoyed, and the host probably feels miserable, and I feel dumb about it, and it’d all have been cleaner if id just go along but for gods sake people, let a person process something before you start excusing shit and in fact targeting that person to do this thing they hadn’t processed. Or even just acknowledge the ridiculousness. Like, yeah, that is strange. All the game is like this. Is that gonna be a problem? And I could be like, I guess not *sigh* lol.
So yeah, now that I’m not on my phone, I can explain. I came in late to the explanation of a card game. I got the functioning bits, but I’d missed a lot of intro information. Essentially, you need to cast all the spells in your hand, but you need ingredient cards in order to cast them. So you’re trying to get ingredient cards from the middle during your turn as well as play spell cards once you get all the ingredients you need to cast it.
This was the explanation I got essentially. I knew that there were special ways to lose and get more ingredient cards, but didn’t really know how. I figured the cards would explain (which I hadn’t gotten a chance to look at).
We start playing, and this girl I’ve met for the first time who was explaining the card reads it. It’s something to the extent of, pick an opponent to cast this spell on and he then cannot speak for five minutes, and if he messes up, the player that notices takes on of his [ingredient] cards.’
I did not realize that this was a typical function of the game, but this was her casting a spell. I didn’t even realize that much at this point. It’s literally the first thing. And I laugh, because we’re sitting at a table of evenly male to female players. I make a joke about the card clearly only applying to the men at the table.
I don’t remember the exact response she made, but it was along the lines of ‘it’s just a game’ and ‘it was created in like the 70s.’ So like, while I was originally making a joke commenting on the clear bias of the game and taking their own cards literally as a part of my amusement, she was shrugging it off like ‘lighten up,’ and I am just not down for that. So I just continue with something like, ‘Hey, I’m just pointing out what the card says. Clearly it means it’s for a guy.’ To which she grinned at her boyfriend or our mutual friend and said, “She’s the loudest isn’t she. I’ll have to cast it on her.”
Like, fuck no. You turned what was just a joke into a way to use the oldest sexist tool in the shed on me (silence). I responded with something like I just wasn’t going to go along. She cast it on me and had someone set the timer, so I held out my ingredient cards. I told them, “Look, I’ll take the ‘fine.’ Take my cards since I’m not doing this.” So people start taking the cards from me, but there’s still the implication that I’m not supposed to talk. I was just like, ‘I have no cards left, I’ve already been penalized, I’m not going to shut up now.’
So she comments, ‘But you’re going to pick up eventually and we’ll just take them then.’ Which, I didn’t even know if that was a thing at this time, because I didn’t even know this game, but it’s not actually a thing I later saw. It’s something she literally said to cow me into playing along. So I tossed the remaining cards ‘spell’ in the middle and just said, “Alright. It’s clear I shouldn’t be playing this game.”
And I felt miserable for a while. It was definitely my pride getting the best of me, but at the same time, it was completely uncalled for. I don’t hate this woman or think she’s a bad person or anything. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know the kind of person I am—that I make literal, pedantic jokes. That I make fun of phrasing in English not in a ‘haha you’re not educated’ way but in a ‘I’m taking your words as you said them literally.’ She doesn’t know that I just need to be able to say ‘x thing is fucked up’ and once I’ve done so, I can still have a good time and generally play along. Because honestly, I could have. It would have, going further, been a none-issue that this card came exclusively and consistently refers to its players with male pronouns (he/his). But when I took the full consequences possible to make that one stand, the one that felt far worse than any others (to shut up and targeted To shut up Because I pointed this out), and she wanted to tack on new consequences and try to strong arm me into playing along, just no fucking way.
And it’s really sad, because I really do think I could have liked this woman. She was interesting and funny and smart, and there was so much I was excited to get to her for, but there’s no way she’s ever going to think of me in a decent standing again. She definitely took my comment about the sexist wording as a personal offense against the game she wanted to play and she responded very defensively. This is very human, and it’s a trait I could see myself easily fallen into. I’m mad at her about it, but I realize it’s just human failings. But really what’s the worse is that we’re just never going to probably get along. Though I guess I do hold it against her that she couldn’t take a moment to try and understand why I was acting as I did.
At one point during the game (which I continued to hang out for (the Bae was playing) since, you know, Everyone Else was playing), I left the table to use the bathroom. I heard her voice raised, which of course made me listen. She was saying silly things to another player, but the spell card cast on her was essentially, ‘This player must pick another player to go off on, but he must do so without swearing,’ and apparently she double checked the card to make sure it said player because she had wanted to go off on me. I definitely feel a ‘fuck you’ to her on that one. To hope to use a game mechanic to go off on me over an actual issue which social politeness would say I don’t have the same excuse to go off on back at her, giving her a one way ticket to probably talk about how ‘up tight’ or some shit. Obviously, some of this is putting words in her mouth, but clearly she had something semi prepared to say. Definitely some anger about that one.
I just feel so fucking bleh. I’ve really been having some self doubt and questioning myself type thoughts lately, and I’m a person who generally has good self confidence/sense of self worth, and my lowest points Always come from when I question myself in those ways and think maybe I make ‘dumb’ choices/decisions or if there’s no reason for me to do the things I do. I live very much on validation, and I’m usually good at validating myself so it doesn’t look like I need it and also therefore isn’t something I need the Bae to do and he’s not actually all that good at doing so, but when I get low, it’s the thing I need the most from others. And ugh. I’m having some bad moments here. But hey, I tend to get a full night’s sleep and full meals every day and I’m not struggling terribly financially, so what right do I have to complain about anything ever? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Thoughtfulfangirling 