I feel you. I wish I could enjoy the birds. I don’t know if I feel a ton of anxiety over it, but there is something about the pitch and speed that can make me uncomfortable
I dunno what it is for me. Just the sound, or the event/memory/atmosphere it implies? The way it’s always combined with sharp light that pushes me to dissociate, maybe.
I don’t know. There’s something. There’s always something, something double about the world. Pleasant sensations are never just pleasant, they always have a creepy edge to them. Even the ones you’d think would be straightforward, like mild sunshine, fresh smell in the air, green leaves, blue skies, calmness, warmth.
Birdsong.
Maybe it’s a return of the ol’ panic attack, I suppose since I started taking the meds in winter I got a handle on managing it in a wintery atmosphere, but now extra impulses are happening and I’m not prepared for those.
I can’t speak for you or pretend to understand, but I definitely have family members who have struggled for years to enjoy good things. They experienced enough terrible things happening after good things, so they almost feel like good things and good moments are the calm before the storm and caused them extra anxiety.
My mom has talked too about how developing a sense of security often allows you headspace to deal with trauma, which can mean that if you get comfort, your mind might start throwing shit at you.
I can’t say any of these things are the case for you, but this all came to mind. It’s definitely an unfortunate feeling. 😦 The birdsong is probably the only thing I feel your list applies to me, and it probably comes more for some sense of annoyance than anxiety. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period for you like you seem to suggest and that you’ll find yourself able to just enjoy these things later on.
Thoughtfulfangirling 