Toxic masculinity says that a man is only as good as what he can accomplish. When it comes to sex, this can often mean “To be a man, I have to achieve orgasm/ejaculation” or “I have to win as many sex partners as I can.”
These days, it can also mean “I have to give my partner the most intense pleasure possible.” Because if she has a body-shaking orgasm, it’s a mark of his skill and prowess. And if she doesn’t have an orgasm at all, it feels like a personal failure to him.
For the female partner, this can turn into yet another way she has to perform emotional labor. When her experience of pleasure becomes tied to his ego, then she often feels pressure to have a big, showy orgasm for him… even if that’s not how her body works.
3 Ways Men Wanting to ‘Focus On Her Pleasure’ During Sex Can Still Be Sexist — Everyday Feminism (via thaxted)
FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE IS SAYING THIS. I’ve known women who were dumped for being unable to come during sex, or because they were “difficult” to get off, or not multi-orgasmic, or not loud, or WHATEVER, because it meant their male partners couldn’t feel like ‘good lovers’ with them. These were all men who claimed to be focused on ‘female pleasure,’ and yet when that ‘female pleasure’ wasn’t about THEM and making THEM feel good, they immediately lost interest.
(via hobbitkaiju)
Thoughtfulfangirling 