Anxiety is so weird. For aaaaaages I keep putting off doing my tax return because it’s already Late and because of that I freak out and today I got what I was rally worried about: a cranky letter from the tax office telling me to get my shit together and pay and my brain’s like “ok cool no probs, lemme google some accountants, oh look, there’s one just down the block from you we’ll visit them tomorrow,” like it’s nothing: LIKE I SHOULD HAVE DONE AAAGES AGO.
This shit is so weird, I know, it’s like…put off an email, put it off, can’t handle it today, can’t do it, tomorrow, no good, and finally there’s just…a moment, a push, or even just a little bit of a break in the clouds and you do it.
And it’s easy. And it lasts all of five minutes. Maybe less. And you feel relieved.
But you couldn’t do it for two damn weeks cuz the moon wasn’t blue enough.
Yes! The moon isn’t blue enough – it honestly feels that silly after you’ve done it, right?
And it always turns out being so easy, and you tell yourself “look that was easy, remember next time you’ve got something due.” AND I NEVER DO.
I was like that at uni, too, I’d always without fail do these huge essays the night before they were due because I absolutely HAD to and had no choice and I’d have this secret hope I’d fail so that I’d be chastised into changing my bad habits – but they never did, lol!
I feel this! I mean, for me, I don’t think it’s anxiety, just laziness really. I still haven’t done my taxes yet. Hopefully tomorrow? I should be in bed atm. ¬.¬
Thoughtfulfangirling 